He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
