we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
