I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
