I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
