I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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