Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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