I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize