I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
