i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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