OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
