I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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