Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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