What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You did what with his pubic hair?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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