FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
