New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
