note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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