do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
