she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
