I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
