I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
