I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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