bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
