I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
