My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
