You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
