why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
