he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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