My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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