Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
