O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
