Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize