What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
