If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
