Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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