Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
