I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
