i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
When did angry sex become our thing?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
