so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
