So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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