ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
