Plan B is the new Plan A
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
