my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
