took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
