i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
