End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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