I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
