it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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