Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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