I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
