Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Randomize
