Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
