he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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