I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I party with great urgency now.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
