So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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