just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
