While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
