I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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