I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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