i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
