dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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