i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
