Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
