I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
