why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
