Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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