Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
