he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
