where am i from again
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize