how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
