Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
