I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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