he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Randomize
