just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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