Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
