; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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