I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
