Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
