The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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