Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
