My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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