HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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