Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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