I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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