ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
