I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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