i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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