it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
