I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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