I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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